When I was very young I lost my dearest my friend, who happened to be my grandmother. She taught me everything I know now, and much more. She meant so much to me, and promised me she’d be at my wedding.
After that, I had the constant fear of being alone, yet instead of trying to be close to people, I pushed them away. I very slowly started to realize that no matter how many people I was friends with, they would soon disappear and leave me. I decided I didn’t want to be in love, and I certainly didn’t want to have any friends.
In 5th grade I started into a public middle school. I was hoping that I would be able to change from my old life, and start new. I became friends with a guy whom I call “Whatshisname” now if I refer to him. He seemed nice at first, and we had many of the same interests. I thought that maybe, I had a chance at something, until he decided to turn on me, and start bullying me. I was thrown into lockers, and called names. All I could feel was hurt, and I felt betrayed. I wondered if it was my fault. I started a notebook expressing how I felt, with which Whatshisname stole and took a page to the principal, saying I wrote it to him.
When I was sent to the guidance counselor and was shown the letter from my notebook, my heart stopped, and was shattered into many pieces. I didn’t know anyone could be so cruel as to do such a thing.
I became depressed as I was taunted over and over. Pain was everywhere. I wanted to die. I had no purpose in living. Even my best friend Mia couldn’t help. There was no way out.
I survived and went to 6th grade where I unfortunately let myself fall in love. My heart was broken yet again, and I felt that no one would ever really love me. I asked for hugs a lot because truly, that’s all I ever wanted, was a hug. I had a really small group of “friends”. We were pretty much Misfits. One of the kids found out who liked me, and told someone to tell me.
This boy’s name was Justin.
I knew him well, and he was quiet, and I hadn’t always taken notice to him. He was upset when I found out, because he knew who I had liked.
In the summer, I talked to him on Facebook a lot more, and I fell in love with him. We became the best of friends, and I never thought that I would ever have that real feeling of love again.
We are still together. It’s been 9 months and 2 days.
I still self harm, and I’m trying to get rid of the habit all together. I still do have moments of depression, but they are slowly fading.
There is hope, for those who are reading this, so don’t think you’re alone. One day you will find someone who you would give your heart and soul to; vice versa.
Thank you for listening to my story.